How To Connect With Your Teen

Being a teenager is not easy, especially in the world we live in today. Teen years are all about finding your identity, navigating relationships, viewing things from a more mature perspective, figuring out how to deal with new pressures, and much more. On top of that, there are major hormonal changes!

Starting from pre-teen years, they tend to pull away from their family a bit. This is upsetting, but it is also normal. It is something that pretty much all teens do. However, that does not mean that you have to be completely disconnected from them. There are various ways in which you can stay connected to your teen whilst they are connecting with themselves.

Communicate, Communicate, Communicate!

Communication is key to all relationships, but it is especially important when raising teenagers. They are going through a lot of changes all at once, so it is important that they have someone they can talk to. It is important for your teen to know that they can come to you for support without feeling judged. Listen actively and validate their feelings, even if you don't agree with them.

Be empathetic, patient, and non-judgemental when talking to your teen. This will help build trust, which will result in them coming to you more. Something important to remember is that they may not always be coming to you for advice, sometimes they just want to rant. Understandably so, your initial reaction as a parent is to help, but this help may come across as lecturing. This will make them feel judged and unsafe.

Setting Health Boundaries

No matter what the relationship is, it is important to set and maintain healthy boundaries. Some parents may not believe that there should be any boundaries between them and their children, but if there aren't any, the relationship can become strained. Teenagers value a level of privacy and if this is not respected, they tend to pull away. Boundaries are not meant to create a divide, they are there to build respect, a sense of safety, and trust.

It is important to set boundaries and give your teen some room to breathe. Of course they still need their parents, but they still need to maintain a sense of independence. The main way that people learn is through experience. When teens are given the freedom to make their own decisions, they tend to value your opinion and views more.

Don't Try Fix Everything

Just because there is a rollercoaster, doesn't mean you have to get on it. When your child is feeling down or experiencing negative emotions, it is a parents natural instinct to try make everything better. You mean well and it comes from a place of love, but your teen may see it as you invading their privacy and being "pushy". Teenagers emotions can be all over the place. During adolescence emotions are heightened due to the hormonal changes going on in their brain. On top of that, they are trying to navigate their way through life from a different perspective. To add onto that, their perspectives are always shifting the more they learn as time goes on.

It is okay to take a step back before trying to engage with them. It is important to ensure that you are not dismissive towards their emotions. Something they are going through may seem "silly" to you, but to them it is a big deal. It is important to provide support when things get overwhelming. Let them know that you are available to help them if they need help.

Be a Good Role Model

This can seem a bit daunting, you may feel that this means you have to be perfect. You absolutely do not have to be perfect, you need to show that you are human. As much as teens may pull away, they are still watching and learning from you. Make sure you model good behaviours, such as apologising when you mess up. Not many people like to admit when they are wrong, but what is even more unlikeable is when someone does not admit when they are wrong. If you show your teen that you are able and willing to identify and admit when you mess up, they will do the same. Apologising when you make a mistake or do something wrong is an important skill to have no matter what age you are.

Give Credit Where Credit Is Due

Praise the process and what they do. Masking mistakes is inevitable, don't fixate on their wrongdoings and avoid constant critiscism. If they feel that they are always doing something wrong, they will start to emotionally withdraw. Constantly focusing on the negative will impact not only the relationship that you have with them, but the relationship they have with themselves. This can drastically impact their self-image and confidence.

Give praise and celebrate not only the big things, but also the small. If you catch them doing something well, tell them what you have noticed and express positivity. Sometimes celebrating small achievements can mean just as much as celebrating the big achievements. It shows them that you are paying attention.

There are so many other tips and tricks out there to help you connect with your teen. A common theme throughout is communication. The only way that you will truly understand what you teen needs is if you participate and encourage conversations. It is important to remember that they are human too and they are learning. It is okay for you to also pull away a bit. Give them some room to breathe and come into their own, they may just surprise you.