Understanding Love Languages: How We Give and Receive Love

At some point in time, we have all heard the term "love languages". The 5 love languages were developed by renowned marriage counsellor, speaker, and author Dr. Gary Chapman in his book The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love That Lasts. Chapman states that love languages are distinct ways that people give and receive love. You may show love towards your special someone, but have you taken the time to fully understand the way they would like to receive love? The concept was developed to improve communication between partners. The 5 love languages are words of affirmation, quality time, physical touch, acts of service, and receiving/giving gifts.

Words of Affirmation

For some, actions may not speak louder than words. If this is your love language, random compliments mean a great deal you. Insults cut like a knife, and the aftermath may linger for a bit longer than others. People whose love language is words of affirmation thrive on hearing their partner offer kind, encouraging, and appreciative words.

Giving your partner words of affirmation can come in various different forms. It can be verbal communication, hand-written notes, expressive language, compliments, and much more. A simple "I love you" or recognizing their efforts such as "thank you for the delicious dinner" can mean so much to someone with this love language. Not everything needs to be a grand gesture. Keep it simple, a little goes a long way.

Quality Time

For someone whose love language is quality time, giving your partner your undivided attention means the world to them. They feel most loved when their partner is fully engaged. This can look like shared activities, regular date nights, having deep conversations, even simply putting down your phone when you are spending time together.

If their partner appears distracted, disinterested, or keeps cancelling plans, this can make them feel hurt and possibly even neglected at times. Spending quality time does not always revolve around the amount of time spent together, but rather on being attentive and focused during the time spent together. Quality time tends to focus on emotional presence rather than physical togetherness.

Physical Touch

There are many different ways in which one can display physical touch. Affectionate touch can have great benefits on relationships. Physical touch does not always have to be sexual in nature. It can be as simple as holding hands, cuddling, or giving your partner a hug and a kiss during tough times. Physical touch is proven to trigger the part of the brain that releases oxytocin, A.K.A the feel-good hormone.

This type of love language may be difficult for long distance couples to express, but it is not impossible. Video chats are great for couples who are long distance. Ways to show physical touch through video chats can be displaying open and inviting body language, making eye contact. Body language can be just as meaningful as verbal language. A creative way to show physical love over long distance is sending your partner an item of your clothing.

Acts of Service

For those whose love language is acts of service, actions tend to speak louder than words. Grand gestures or expensive gifts may not mean as much to then compared to completing small and practical actions. These actions can be doing the laundry, making dinner, planning a date night, or giving them a ride. This love language is about showing your partner reliability, consistency, and that you listen to them.

Acts of service may display that you are willing to go the extra mile for their happiness. This love language does not always revolve around actually doing things, but also understanding your partners needs and being able to meet those needs.

Receiving Gifts

Out of all the love languages, this one tends to be the most misunderstood. The true meaning of gift giving is not about extravagance, but rather about sentiment. This does not mean that your partner is materialistic or you have to get them gifts all the time. Showing love through gift giving can look like getting them flowers, having a coffee delivered to their work, getting tickets to go see their favourite musician or a trinket from a thrift store. It lets them know that you are thinking of them and that you remember what they have told you about themselves.

If this is your partners love language, they tend to cherish the gifts that their partner has gotten them, no matter how big or small it may be. Every time they look at it, it reminds them that they are loved.

At the end of the day, effective and open communication is key for understanding your partners primary love language, as well as them understanding yours. It is said that we speak all five love languages, but we place greater importance on our preferred language. Love does not have to be complicated, not everything has to be grandiose. Something small and meaningful can mean just as much, if not more, than something big and grand.